Psychological Self-Defence

Work-life often demands more than fortitude; it requires skill to fight off psychological attacks. Below, we explore common manipulative tactics, their harmful effects, and practical responses to safeguard your mental clarity.

You are right to demand clarity, boundaries, and self-respect. By understanding these following psychological tactics, you empower yourself to respond effectively and maintain your professional standing.

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DARVO Reaction

DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." This reaction is a hallmark of manipulative individuals who seek to avoid accountability. They deny wrongdoing, attack their accuser, and position themselves as the true victim.

Why It’s Harmful:

This tactic shifts focus away from the actual issue, leaving the real victim feeling confused, guilty, and unsupported.

How to Respond:

• Stay grounded in facts. Do not get drawn into emotional arguments.
• Recognise that their reaction is a defence mechanism and not a reflection of your actions.
• Document everything, or if it is too late seek third-party mediation if necessary.

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Emotional Exploitation

Emotional exploitation involves using your empathy, fears, or values against you to manipulate or control.

Why It’s Harmful:

It twists your strengths into vulnerabilities, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless.

How to Respond:

• Identify manipulative patterns and separate them from genuine interactions.
• Set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
• Seek guidance from trusted friends or professionals to navigate the situation.

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Gaslighting

Gaslighting involves emotional manipulation to make someone question their perception of reality. It destabilises confidence and creates dependency on the manipulator for a sense of "truth."

Why It’s Harmful:

Gaslighting erodes trust in yourself and isolates you from external support.

How to Respond:

• Keep a written record of conversations or agreements.
• Trust your instincts and seek external validation from trusted sources.
• Avoid engaging in arguments about reality; state facts calmly and clearly.

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Love-Bombing and Devaluation

This behaviour alternates between excessive affection (love-bombing) and harsh criticism (devaluation). The cycle creates emotional dependency and confusion, trapping victims in a toxic loop.

Why It’s Harmful:

The unpredictability undermines emotional stability and fosters reliance on the abuser for validation.

How to Respond:

• Recognise the pattern and separate your self-worth from their approval.
• Maintain a strong support network outside of the relationship.
• Seek professional advice to navigate the dynamic.

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Projection

Projection occurs when someone attributes their negative traits or actions to you, deflecting responsibility for their behaviour.

Why It’s Harmful:

It creates a cycle of self-doubt and constant defence against baseless accusations.

How to Respond:

• Recognise that their accusations reflect their issues, not yours.
• Set boundaries and refuse to engage in defensive arguments.
• Focus on your actions and values to stay grounded.

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Triangulation

Triangulation (also known as a Perverse Triangle) is a manipulative tactic where the abuser involves a third party to abuse their target. This third party may be in a covert aliance or may be misled into some action. Nonetheless, by drawing a third party into the dynamic, the abuser shifts focus away from their own behaviour, while pitting people against each other, spreading misinformation, or creating jealousy and mistrust.

Why It’s Harmful:

It fosters insecurity, competition, and mistrust, eroding your confidence and social support.

How to Respond:

• Avoid comparing yourself to others or seeking their validation.
• Directly address conflicts with the involved parties, bypassing the abuser's influence.
• Strengthen your sense of self-worth independent of external opinions.

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Threats

Covert threats use subtle language or implications to instil fear and control without overt aggression.

Why It’s Harmful:

These threats create an atmosphere of fear, making confrontation or reporting difficult.

How to Respond:

• Call out ambiguous statements by asking for clarification.
• Seek external support to bolster your confidence and safety.
• Document patterns of threatening behaviour to provide evidence if needed.

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Withholding

Emotional withholding, or the "silent treatment," involves withdrawing affection or communication to punish or control someone. This behaviour creates anxiety and forces reconciliation on the abuser's terms.

Why It’s Harmful:

It fosters insecurity and undermines open communication, essential for healthy relationships.

How to Respond:

• Focus on self-care and avoid seeking their approval.
• Communicate expectations for open dialogue in the relationship.
• Seek professional guidance in cases of severe emotional withholding.